Five Troubling Signs You Are Eating Out With A Food Blogger

I love to eat. So, you might assume that having a food blogger as a great friend is perfect for me. Think again!

Here are FIVE troubling signs you are eating out with a food blogger.

1. Choosing a place to eat requires meticulous research.

When eating out with a food blogger friend, one cannot simply walk into any old restaurant. No. One is required to scan all menus, either online or in person before making an informed choice. Once said choice has been made, be prepared for your foodie friend to change their mind and have you consider a new diner that has recently opened.

WARNING: Always check to see if a restaurant requires reservations! Otherwise, one will find themselves freezing their asses off while one’s food blogger friend begins the search for a new place to eat.

2. Finding seats becomes a perilous mission because lighting matters.

As any good friend of a foodie knows, the camera eats first. Always. Therefore, when choosing seats one needs to be strategic. The lighting must be on point. Otherwise, what will happen to the quality of the Instagram pictures?

3. The menu. Enough said.  

When ordering food from a menu, your food blogger friend will require you to choose items that are both aesthetically appealing as well as delicious. While you sweat profusely at the daunting task at hand, your food blogger friend is busy inquiring the waiter/waitress regarding the nuances of each dish so much so you can’t help but wonder if you are watching a live taping of Master Chef. By the time you finish placing your orders, you never want to see another menu for as long as you live.

4. Never expect to eat your food while it’s still warm.

As soon as the food arrives, your food blogger friend instantly leaps into action. The table must be a clean canvas. You are promptly instructed to remove your cellphone, wallet, hand etc. from the immediate vicinity. You might even be asked to sink down in your seat because your head is casting a shadow over the table. Sinful! While your foodie friend channels their inner Picasso as they accessorize their pictures with salt and pepper packets, you channel your inner Buddha as you resist the temptation to snatch your food and stuff it down your throat.

5. Be prepared for the modeling job you never knew you wanted.

WARNING: If your food blogger friend asks you to accompany them to a bakery or any place where a sit-down option is not available, run. RUN!

At times, you will be required to become a makeshift table for any over the counter purchases. You will be instructed to hold a box of scrumptious desserts at various angles while your foodie friend snaps several pictures, hoping at least one will be satisfactory to post. Although for a second you are content with your fame when your hand appears on your food friend’s Instagram post, your self-esteem soon takes a hit when you bitterly realize the likes are all for the chocolate eclair. Crushed, you wonder if it was even worth it to moisture your hand beforehand.

I’m sure those of you who have ever eaten out with a food blogger can empathize with my sentiments above; however, I am also certain that none of us would ever change the experience for anything.